Pokemon and Lace Dresses

(valentines day means cute quotes and POKEMON)

(tepig and hat hair)

(remembering at 2am after the cinema that we hadnt a valentines '13 photo ^.^)

it is 00.22 on the 18th of february and i just started a new blog bringing the grand total of blogs i have up to three and with a grand total of two followers (both my boyfriend and his band) and my overly depressing melancholy on the other two i came to read this one and it  made me happy because i sound like me and its just nicer ^.^  I have orange hair not ginger hair right now and lately i keep wanting to get a new piercing in my ear but im too scared of pain and i dont know if i just want one to rebel against.. what? i feel a constant need to rebel but i feel like im just doing that against myself which is stupid.. i sware i feel the need to still be 16 and im 21, which makes me feel so old and no one ever believes im that old, i dont look it, i dont act it which basically means im not right? i wish life worked like that, if i was 16 i would actually be ahead in the game of life, however as it is i am massively behind.
I am only writing because im avoiding sketchbook work, im looking at COMIC BOOK TRENDS how exciting.. i used caps locks to emphasise how thrilling this is. It actually is but i just hate how we'e researching spring/summer 13 trends which is what is in stores currently so everywhere i go i cant escape what i am learning about. shopping is no longer pleasurable as i walk around all i can hear in my head is... 'east meets west fusion' or 'boudoir grunge'. i am so on season in my thoughts and knowledge but as always no where near it in terms of my wardrobe for i am as always lacking in money. but i always tell myself i have better style for it hahaaa

'Im driven. I am im driven for some reason but i dont know where im going'

teddy bears and hot pants.

I tried and failed to use my beautiful camera to take photos of myself/'my really alternative style'.. ;) i know it can take amazing photos but i seem to lack the very basic skills required to even do this. If nothing else my attempts at balancing my camera on top of a 'suitcase/duvet cover set' combo has made my mind up that i need to buy a tripod.. oh and move into my house so i can actually have space/good lighting to figure out how to take those oh so blogger type photos that i am oh so jealous of. I know instagram is a love/hate thing but instagram makes everyone look beauuutiful and evens out all the imperfections so until i manage to understand cameras these photos will be a mix of instagrams/trial&error), any tips would be lovelllly !
I have not yet been brave enough to wear these motel hotpants outside.. but they were only £5.00 on asos in the sale so im allowed to be scared for a little longer ..? The shirt arrived today in the post yay! I bought it off ebay for about £3.00 i believe and its from japan! I wish i was a harajuku girl so i bidded like a crazy woman on this until i won it ^.^ its so cute and will look so nice with a bowtie, i couldnt find mine unfortuantely for the photos, ill have to hunt it down before i move out !



oh heyyy crazy camera photos ..

“Fashion is what you’re offered four times a year by designers. And style is what you choose.”

<3

 

i dont think ive ever felt this uninspired before, fashion is my thing my go to, i am a fashion designer ? i feel i should change that statement to 'i was a wannabe fashion designer', university is honestly the most uninspiring depressing place to be where your forced to be individual but at the same time do exactly what they want you to do so it was never and will never be your design in the first place. I miss painting and printing and getting in a mess, i miss how this was and im sat here willing myself to make a skirt willing myself to be excited and i just cant muster up the strength, my boyfriend got an opportunity for work experience this week at a theatre and ive never felt more of a slap in the face. Not by him but by life, why am i not doing this, i have always been going somewhere always passionate so how did our roles become so reversed, how am i still sat in the same position as i was when i was 16, yet without a talent, i never thought i would question myself i believe arrogantly i was the best thing that would be happening to fashion and looking through my old work i was good, i was excited i wanted to do this and now ? im not sure, i really dont know, i want time out, i want to feel inspired and talented enough to pick up the fabric and make a skirt..

life is about love, lost minutes and last evenings

today is one of those days where nothing is happening and i cant be happy, this summer since i got home seems to one where nothing is happening and i cant be happy and ive only been home 6 days. In those 6 days i have come realise that its difficult trying to live here and live there and live all over the place because you can never settle long enough or have enough free time anywhere to have those friendships where best friendships begin to form. Since i got home all ive ive done is work in the same job ive worked at since i was 16, ive seen my boyfriend twice, and sat on ebay in my room for HOURS, ive bought pointless items because they are £1.50 and this is all i can afford and tonight I put on lipstick and did my hair just to try and look nice, as a cleaner there is little time to look nice during the day. I feel like im going through this stage of trying to adapt back into my old life, its just hard as i see everyone else hanging out with their friends, going to festivals, getting drunk, having money not being stupidly broke >.< and i just feel like where did i go wrong? ive always had friends ALWAYS, but living in this stupid village and being unable to drive i feel i could have all the friends in the world but its so hard to see them when buses finish here at 6 and i always seem to have work the next day stupidly early and they live stupidly far away. I always seem to get back to the point where in my room listening to sad music and wallowing in self pity at how friendless i am that night... and ofcourse being overdramatic. All i want this summer is to manage to get grey/blonde hair and be happy and have fun.. also maybe to turn twenty one and stop feeling like a over emotional teenager.

Charmander, Charyzard..

(raichu and charyzard)

(one eye)

(Cookie cake)

(only 19 balloon.. not enought for 23 >.<)

(makeshift tescos picnic)

(reading comics in a store)

(my future owl...)

(fountain fun)

(birthday chase)

(Best and most expensive pizzas)

(We love playing scrabble... We are cool...). 

I went to my boyfriends flat in Leicester for his birthday this 'weekend', although a couple of days soon turned into almost a week and now im trying to catch up on all the work I left back here in time for my hand in next week >.< We were walking through Leicester on the Saturday and there was a little section cornered off in the market where the local owl sanctuary had come with some of their birds to try and raise some money, me and my boyfriend emptied all his coppers into a bucket (i am too poor even for coppers at the moment) and i took some photos, since i was a baby my mum has had owls and kestrels and ive also been lucky enough to help hand rear baby barnowls. When i was younger i always wanted a little owl and so i spent a long time just staring at this cute one ^.^

By The Power of Raichu

(i had no clue what photo to use for this so birthday TMNT ^.^)

I only have another three weeks left of my first year at uni and its so strange how quickly it has happened, i remember clearly this time last year getting ready to leave Leeds university after a year that i cant fathom now, i cant fathom how i felt and why i did about a place and about people that if i were to meet them now i would probably have a better time there than i do here, but looking into it in too much depth causes bigger headaches.
I was talking to my flatmate last night and we said that to describe our first year at university would be unfulfilling and quite sad, because the only words i am willing to use to describe it is 'nice', this year in comparison to last has been 'nice'. I wouldn't sit here and preach to people about attending university because i don't feel it is the best experience of my life and i have met friends for life, i go about and seem to make the best of friends in people that i take with me wherever i go and normally the better the friends the shorter the time i spend with them, always looking to move on to bigger and better things, however they rarely are bigger and better and i spend quiet moments regretting moving on from something that i didnt make the most of and im possibly scared i am doing the same with this university as i did with the last.
I study Fashion and i feel like i never push myself enough, i know i have the talent and i know i am better than the person i fall into when i get down from the constant criticism and the constant moving from one place to the other, barely time to settle down with anyone.
Last year I studied Textile Design at Leeds University, i was straight out of college and i hadn't been accepted into any of the London university's i believed would want me to do fashion and so my back up choice which i never wanted was where i had to go to. I felt i had to go because family life had become increasingly harder and harder and it wasn't an option to stay at home. I was nineteen and as my mum says, i was a 'young' nineteen, i didn't want to move away from my boyfriend who i had been with at that point for two and a half years, he was starting uni at the same time but we would be two and half hours away. Moving to Leeds, i knew i didn't want to be there, i didn't want that mindset but i could escape it and so i have memories i would never change and a best friend i would never want to of not met and Leeds changed me and i grew up and i learnt so much about myself, but for a year it wasn't what i wanted and so i wanted to move on i wanted to do fashion.
Coventry was the choice i picked and i don't regret it, its closer to home, its closer to my boyfriend and im happy, i don't think university is amazing and i don't think i have as good memories here as Leeds but im happy and i could never of said that a year ago, its not what i want exactly but i think uni was never what i wanted so i feel like in three weeks i need a rest and a break and to just take time off this summer from worrying about uni, which is what ive spent my past two summers doing and i think with all the changing i need a little bit of time to have my own time and not have to make new friends and just remember who i am as i think its very easy to get lost, as i really want to make amazing memories next year.
I didnt mean for this post to be too depressing, i really want to write about fashion and my ideas but this is just a little midnight entry of my thoughts, i am a super happy person really and i have met some of my new favourite people in coventry that are as crazy as me ^.^